Friendships where you least expect it...

They always say you know who your true friends are when something tragic happens to you. Well that's a lie, you know who your true friends are years after something tragic happens to you. It's been in the last year that I've really been taught about friendship and how friendships start where you least expect it.

This topic was brought to me from one of my best friends Kristy who I've known since we were 5. We were on the phone one day talking about a friend of mine who was helping me with my charity. Kristy asked me how I met them and of course I said Facebook. This is my usually answer now a days. Social media has kind of taken over my life, like many of us in small businesses, who have blogs and run charities.
Amazing things can truly happen on social media sites when used correctly!
I honestly am still in shock of the support of these friends I have met through Facebook. It all started when we founded our charity. Every time I would post about an event or even a fundraiser these new friends would be right there asking what we needed, what they could do to help and sharing about our charity. I know it doesn't seem like much to click a share button, but you would be surprised on people you think would share what your doing in their community, but don't. It's very heartbreaking sometimes to be "ignored". I understand people have lives and not everyone has money or time to donate, but it's nice to just be told,"hey, it's great what you're doing in memory of your son."
Ok, so back to the happy post. :) I have met some really sweet, helpful, and amazing men and women in the last 6 months alone. From people donating their services of photography to cookies, and people donating items and money that I never expected. Not only has this been from new friends but also long time friends that have been by my side for the last 4 heart wrenching years. I really just want to thank you all for everything you have done for us and I hope you know how much easier you make it to live after a loss.

God bless. Love you guys!

Charity blog post

I normally don't mix my personal blog to my charity page, but i couldn't leave out the story i just posted on our charities blog. Please read!!
http://comfort-hearts.com/Blog/Entries/2012/3/5_Real_Friendships_Still_Exist%3A_Please_Read!.html

God Bless

Kele

Frankie's Thoughts...

Today is Monday the 27th of February 2012 which is 1 day after the 4 year anniversary of my 1st born son’s death. His name was Elias Adin Pallitta. His name is a story all of it’s own. The spiritual meaning of Elias Adin is “promise to God”. To understand why I would choose such a name would mean that you understand my past. For many years I thought I knew who I was & for many years I was deceived into believing I was a good person. My past is something that my wife and I do not discuss and for the most part it is a good idea. On the surface it is easy for me to say I was an alcoholic and used as well as sold many drugs to many people. This portion of my story I will not indulge into but I will talk about the events that took me deep into the dark cave I found myself and the events thereafter. 

I met my wife Kele over the internet as I was trying to find more friends that were not apart of my past and that could offer me a healthy relationship as a friend. We were on Myspace at the time and she was a friend of some people I had just met at a new Church I was attending. After speaking for a bit she began to come visit me. It was necessary for her to visit me considering I was on house arrest for a year after spending some time in jail. Her visits brought me a great deal of happiness and I fell in love... we fell in love. Four months later we married each other and another 9 months we had our very first child together. As I previously mentioned I named him Elias Adin Pallitta (promise to God). You can see now that it was my intention to name him after my new life as I had promised to God every minute of every day that I would live my life for Him. 

I remember the day my son was born. It was very special to me and my life was moving along in a positive direction. The job I had was seasonal and the winter came. I was able to stay home and take care of him as Kele worked. I loved my time with him. I  would make videos of us being goofy and just hanging out. I often thought of the magnificent things he would do and how I would always be right by his side. I named him Chunkerbutt. He was a cute and lovable chunk of love and he had such a wonderful smile and giggle to match. I felt as if our connection grew stronger every day. I loved being home with him. I had never felt such a wonderful feeling in my life. We often made videos together playing around almost everyday and now that is something we are very grateful for.

Now at this point you all now what happens.               You must be thinking many things about myself.                 Here is the part I answer your questions.

In high school I had fell in love with someone. I spent around 4 years with this person and I was madly in love. In the end this girl left me and to my devastation I fell into a deep depression. I had already been drinking with my college friends and selling drugs. Now I had the tools I needed to take it further. I began drinking heavily all the time and drugging whenever possible. Being in that situation which I know some of you have or either know of someone you understand fully the things that can happen and what can become of someone. For years I locked myself up sobbing in my pain of sorrow. I hated life... I hated myself. It took roughly 3 years for me to feel relief from this person. I remember that day very well. I don’t know what it was but for some reason I had realized I had not thought of this person for awhile and it was realizing that that had made me feel alive. As if spring had just rushed in and taken over with the warmth of the sun on my face. 

Soon after I had reached out to find a permanent solution and for me that solution was God. I had the same feeling as I did the day I felt alive again. God had taken away all of life's weight off my shoulders. That day I also wept like a baby and I did not want it to stop. I had taken another step in the right direction to get my life back on track, to get my life back.

I hope that part of my story helps to signify the reason for why I named my son “My Promise to God”. Knowing that God had given his only son as a promise to us I thought it was fitting to promise my son back to God. I suppose you can imagine my thoughts once my son had passed away only 7 months after he was born. 

My previous story has another meaning to it or at least another reason for telling it. It was that depression that I had gone through that made me into the man I am today. without it I would have failed my wife and my new son Karter. Without the lessons that God taught me I would have destroyed my life permanently without failure as I had in the past. I am eternally grateful for everything God has done in my life. I suppose I am a person that believes everything happens for a reason. Does that mean that my son who I promised my life through to God was taken from me for a reason... was he mine to be taken from?

I love my son Elias. I spent an incredible 7 months with him with nothing but laughter. He is no longer in my arms. He is no longer laughing at me as I make goofy gestures. I know he is somewhere and I know he is there for a reason. I remember my last moments of him in my arms at the hospital. It all happened so fast but time stood still for me one last time as I held him gracefully in my arms just after he was gone. I won’t lie, he was cold, limp, lifeless, breathless but none-the less he was there and he was all mine. I ran my fingers around his pudgy face and stared into him as long as I could. I did not care of the other things. He was alive to me and I was going to say good bye with a smile on my face and hug like he had never had before. That is exactly what his death is to us... a celebration.  Again, I love you chunkerbutt. I am always here for you but I know that you are here for me just as much.

4 year anniversary

So today is the 4 year anniversary of Elias passing away. It definitely doesn't feel like its been that long, but then looking back on everything we've done in that time it kind of feels like it should be longer. If that makes any sense.

It really has been an amazing journey for us. Between the tears of losing a wonderful sweet boy to having two more children and watching our oldest grow up right in front of our eyes. I can honestly say we've been very blessed.
We have 4 beautiful children. Yes we only have 3 of them physically here with us, but we did have 7 wonderful, healthy months with Elias.

I know a lot of people look at our story and say they can't image going through what we went through. Well we think the same thing about other families in our community and that is exactly why we started our charity. God is amazing in this way, because he took our devastating loss and made us open our hearts to others, not feel sorry for ourselves. I have been amazed daily for the last 4 years at the strength and comfort that God brings to me and my family, so for me to be able to bring an ounce of that to other families and to show Gods love and his grace through our charity brings me to my knees in PRAISE!

Living after a loss doesn't have to mean living without that person forever.

Dear Elias,
I can't believe it has been 4 years since I held you in my arms, even though so much has happened. I'm sure you are so in love with your baby sister, looking over her, are laughing daily at your crazy little brother and beaming with joy as you watch your big brother grow up into such a great young man. We talk about you so much that when Tidus is asked how many brothers he has he says 2, and cesca will do the same. Keep watching over them and say hello to everyone we have lost dear to our hearts. We will meet again baby boy, but until then, just know we love and miss you chunker butt!!
Love,
Mommy

Gender Disappointment... Ahhh...........

So in the last 3 1/2 years I have grown to be very annoyed of a lot of things that people say and do but gender disappointment is on the top of my list.

I understand people have a preference on If they would rather have a boy or girl. I get it, I know first hand how it is to have 3 boys already and be pregnant with your 4th baby. What I don't understand is the people that throw a fit and cry hysterically because they aren't having the gender they want, but I never really paid attention to "gender disappointment" till I was pregnant with my last baby and I started reading pregnancy forums. (stay away, chicks are crazy) There was always an argument on the forums saying,"don't be upset at least you can have a baby" and then their response would be, "well I'm grieving a son or daughter I wanted to have and don't now so for me it's like losing a baby" (yes, true conversation) I know people will be upset when they find out they are not having what they were wishing for, but that's something that should be done privately or with very close friends and family that won't be offended. Can you imagine not being able to get pregnant, or being able to carry a baby or like us lose a child and sit there and have to listen to someone cry and complain that they are having another baby that is not the gender they wanted. Let me be perfectly frank. STOP! Stop having babies if it will make you that upset that you wished you weren't even pregnant, an if you keep having babies and its not the gender you were hoping for, PLEASE just stop the complaining! Everyone knows that you have a 50% chance of having the gender you were wishing for and if that's not ok then stop having kids. There is plenty of people out there that can't have kids of their own and would love to have whatever child God would give them. We were lucky enough to be able to have more children after losing our son but many people can't, and that is more devastating to me than if you didn't get the gender you wanted, so suck it, put a smile on your face and be thankful God has blessed you with a miracle called a baby. Not a boy or a girl but a miracle that you get to bring into this world to love. Living after a loss is hard enough so just please be mindful for the people around you and instead of complaining, count your blessings and be thankful.

The Holidays

The holidays can be very tricky. While everyone around you are celebrating, you are missing your loved one more than ever.
Our first holiday after Elias passed away was Easter. I remember going out to eat with our whole family and my food not being right and just crying at the table. Yes, I definitely wasn't expecting that. I thought I would be fine going out with my family. I mean it was just lunch, but what I didn't realize was it's never just lunch on the holidays. It's a day of sadness and sometimes guilt at first.
Our first Christmas after Elias passed Tidus was already born, so I think it made it a lot easier for us. With that sense of peace comes guilt though. Holidays for us aren't sad anymore. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried during them. I don't know if that's bad, good, or even normal.
I'm sure it would be different if we didn't have any other children or if we would have lost him at an older age where there was more memories of him during the holidays. I know for sure
there is no certain way to act or feel around the holidays. It's all about how you want to live after a loss. It's ok to have holiday cheer, it doesn't mean you are not thinking about or missing your sweet baby, or that others around you aren't either. God is amazing and when is a better time than Christmas to praise him. He gave us his son so we can see our loved ones again.

God Bless and have a Merry Christmas

The cemetery

I will be the first one to say I don't go out to his grave site very often. I could probably count on both hands how many times I've gone. I'm not sure if i would go more if he was buried closer or not. Right now he is about 20 minutes away. We've haven't even bought a grave stone yet because we always talk about moving him to our town we live in but I'm not sure if that would really change me going out there to visit.
I know many people close to me that love going to their loved ones grave site. It's therapeutic for them. Even my husband likes going, but to me he's not really there so why go. I feel more at peace looking through photos and watching videos of him. Even at the holidays we have a tree to go out there that lights up but didn't even put it out last year. It sounds horrible but I forgot. Don't get me wrong I never forget about Elias, not one day goes by that I don't talk about him or see him through the kids. Life just gets busy. It might sound weird to people especially those that have lost a loved one. I had our 3rd son before the year anniversary of Elias passing. Our life really couldn't stop with an older son also. Believe me, we celebrate his life everyday. We still go and have a birthday dinner and even have pictures with him. (yes, you heard me.;)) We did have a little birthday celebration at the cemetery for his 1st birthday.
I guess you can say there is no right way or wrong way to visiting or not visiting your loved one at the cemetery. As long as you can get through living after a loss you are doing what's right for you.
God Bless