Gender Disappointment... Ahhh...........

So in the last 3 1/2 years I have grown to be very annoyed of a lot of things that people say and do but gender disappointment is on the top of my list.

I understand people have a preference on If they would rather have a boy or girl. I get it, I know first hand how it is to have 3 boys already and be pregnant with your 4th baby. What I don't understand is the people that throw a fit and cry hysterically because they aren't having the gender they want, but I never really paid attention to "gender disappointment" till I was pregnant with my last baby and I started reading pregnancy forums. (stay away, chicks are crazy) There was always an argument on the forums saying,"don't be upset at least you can have a baby" and then their response would be, "well I'm grieving a son or daughter I wanted to have and don't now so for me it's like losing a baby" (yes, true conversation) I know people will be upset when they find out they are not having what they were wishing for, but that's something that should be done privately or with very close friends and family that won't be offended. Can you imagine not being able to get pregnant, or being able to carry a baby or like us lose a child and sit there and have to listen to someone cry and complain that they are having another baby that is not the gender they wanted. Let me be perfectly frank. STOP! Stop having babies if it will make you that upset that you wished you weren't even pregnant, an if you keep having babies and its not the gender you were hoping for, PLEASE just stop the complaining! Everyone knows that you have a 50% chance of having the gender you were wishing for and if that's not ok then stop having kids. There is plenty of people out there that can't have kids of their own and would love to have whatever child God would give them. We were lucky enough to be able to have more children after losing our son but many people can't, and that is more devastating to me than if you didn't get the gender you wanted, so suck it, put a smile on your face and be thankful God has blessed you with a miracle called a baby. Not a boy or a girl but a miracle that you get to bring into this world to love. Living after a loss is hard enough so just please be mindful for the people around you and instead of complaining, count your blessings and be thankful.

The Holidays

The holidays can be very tricky. While everyone around you are celebrating, you are missing your loved one more than ever.
Our first holiday after Elias passed away was Easter. I remember going out to eat with our whole family and my food not being right and just crying at the table. Yes, I definitely wasn't expecting that. I thought I would be fine going out with my family. I mean it was just lunch, but what I didn't realize was it's never just lunch on the holidays. It's a day of sadness and sometimes guilt at first.
Our first Christmas after Elias passed Tidus was already born, so I think it made it a lot easier for us. With that sense of peace comes guilt though. Holidays for us aren't sad anymore. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried during them. I don't know if that's bad, good, or even normal.
I'm sure it would be different if we didn't have any other children or if we would have lost him at an older age where there was more memories of him during the holidays. I know for sure
there is no certain way to act or feel around the holidays. It's all about how you want to live after a loss. It's ok to have holiday cheer, it doesn't mean you are not thinking about or missing your sweet baby, or that others around you aren't either. God is amazing and when is a better time than Christmas to praise him. He gave us his son so we can see our loved ones again.

God Bless and have a Merry Christmas

The cemetery

I will be the first one to say I don't go out to his grave site very often. I could probably count on both hands how many times I've gone. I'm not sure if i would go more if he was buried closer or not. Right now he is about 20 minutes away. We've haven't even bought a grave stone yet because we always talk about moving him to our town we live in but I'm not sure if that would really change me going out there to visit.
I know many people close to me that love going to their loved ones grave site. It's therapeutic for them. Even my husband likes going, but to me he's not really there so why go. I feel more at peace looking through photos and watching videos of him. Even at the holidays we have a tree to go out there that lights up but didn't even put it out last year. It sounds horrible but I forgot. Don't get me wrong I never forget about Elias, not one day goes by that I don't talk about him or see him through the kids. Life just gets busy. It might sound weird to people especially those that have lost a loved one. I had our 3rd son before the year anniversary of Elias passing. Our life really couldn't stop with an older son also. Believe me, we celebrate his life everyday. We still go and have a birthday dinner and even have pictures with him. (yes, you heard me.;)) We did have a little birthday celebration at the cemetery for his 1st birthday.
I guess you can say there is no right way or wrong way to visiting or not visiting your loved one at the cemetery. As long as you can get through living after a loss you are doing what's right for you.
God Bless

Comfort care package preview

The first 5 care packages are done, here is a sneak peak on what they look like!

I put a donation list together if you were wondering what items we would need for the packages, please help out if you can, Thank you and God Bless

For Basket

puzzles

books

Gift cards to restaurants

Individually wrapped snacks

coloring books and crayons

pens

journals

powder drinks (inividual) like crystal light

Scentsy buddy

money, and gift cards would be great to be able to buy the baskets and contents.

we were told on average of 2-5 patients at a time so we are really looking for support. the address you can send donations to is  Elias Adin's Comforting Hearts Inc

                                 12335 waterstone lane apt 813

                                 Perrysburg, OH 43551  

Going back to work

I think this is a hard decision for a lot of mothers after losing a child. When or if you go back to work. I was lucky where I could take six weeks off of work after Elias passed away. We were financially ok since we had life insurance on him and my fellow employees were very generous on giving me their sick and vacation time to use. I remember the phone call that my boss made to me. She called to let me know I had to come back to work on a certain day and to make sure I was ready. I don't think there is ever a time you are ready to go back to work but I was ready to get back into a routine. I worked in Dialysis at the time and had a 45 minute commute. I loved my job and people I worked with but did not look forward to going back. I don't know if it was because I didn't work at that unit for very long before he passed away or if I felt resentment for my job since it took me away from Elias when he was alive. I only took 5 weeks off after he was born and went back full time plus some so I was gone a lot and my husband stayed home with him.  I just remember driving to work every day crying not wanting to go and thinking about the baby. On one hand it was great to get out of the house and be around people but on the other hand being around sick patients all the time wasn't exactly helping. I would hear patients complaining that they can't eat this or drink as much as they wanted, it got real annoying real quick so thank goodness I didn't work there for very long after. It was just a month after because I got pregnant with Tidus and my body was telling me to slow down.  The Dr's put me on bed rest because my body was trying to miscarry him, due to all of the stress and it was definitely a blessing in disguise.
I ended up being a stay at home mom for a year and a half which was the first time I have ever had the chance to do and it was exactly what I needed. It's definitely a very personal choice and don't let anyone tell you what you need to do, whether its going back to work a week after or never going back. You have to do what's right for you and what is going to get you through living after a loss.

God Bless

Elias Adin's Comforting Hearts Inc will be making donations to Toledo Children's Hospital Oncology

I'm so proud to share our charity in Elias's name. 

After almost 4 years I finally decided to start a charity to bring comfort for families who has children with cancer. We are going to be giving care packages to the families in oncology at Toledo Children's Hospital. With this care package we will have a scentsy buddy for the child with cancer and many different snacks, magazines, gift cards for local fast food, a journal, and books for the family. This will be the initial package for their admissions and we still are working on ideas for when the kids and their family who come back for more treatments. 

In the next few months i'm really hoping to get our name out there for support so I can possibly expand to more hospitals and giving a scholarship to a medical student going into pediatric oncology. I'm putting together 5 baskets right now to be able to take to our first families. I can't wait to be able to help families who are struggling with this horrible fight to cancer. 

Please share to your friends and families about our worthy cause and God Bless you all.