Being around other kids

I've had a lot of people ask me about how it is being around other kids so I thought it would be a great topic. I guess I will start 3 1/2 years ago. I remember the weekend after Elias passed away we were at church working back in the kids area and I would walk back and forth from the room that Elias would have been in just looking at the babies. It didn't make me sad at all, I actually loved seeing all of them and thinking about Elias. I remember a few weeks later holding a sweet baby because he wouldn't stop crying and just walking down the halls with him and as I'm doing this I look over and other people have tears in their eyes. I think it's more heart breaking watching than living it sometimes. The one thing I've never done is hide my love I had for Elias and I try to be a great example to others on how God can work through you. It's never been sadness being around kids his age through the last 3 1/2 years. It's more thinking about what he would be doing now. Like at his 1st birthday him walking and talking, or he would be starting preschool this year. It makes it a little easier having Tidus because they would have only been 15 months apart.
A lot of people have come to me and said they feel guilty knowing Elias and their child were the same age or they know someone who lost a child the same age as theirs. I will tell you I've never once been jealous or mad at someone for having a child the same age as Elias. Why would I be upset that they had their child live. I hate knowing that someone feels guilty because they have their son and we don't. I have heard a lot of people not being able to be around someone who is pregnant right after a loss or being very angry seeing people with children the same age as their child they lost. To each their own because that's how they feel, but I believe just because you have lost a child does not give you the right to be selfish. Like I have said from the beginning you can't help what you feel, but I think it also gives us a crutch to be a little mean also. I never experienced not wanting to be around other children or people that were pregnant. My sister-in-law at the time of Elias's death was pregnant and I could not imagine not wanting to be around her. I think too though that people with children and that are pregnant don't know whether they should come around or not or they don't know what to say. I'm sure they don't want to come across like they are bragging about their kid or their unborn baby. It's a hard situation to be in on the other side. My advise to anyone that is struggling with this would be let your friend know you are there for them, don't stay away, unless they ask you to. It's always nice hearing from friends on Elias's birthday or the anniversary of him passing. Just knowing they remembered and are thinking of you makes a huge impact on our day. It seems like the more years that go by the less people send personal messages so just let your friends know you are thinking of them. Even if it's when you're out with your little one or child their kids age, call them or send a card because I know the guilt won't go away for many of you but feeling that way won't help your friends, knowing you care does. I know this post got way off topic but hey, many things come into mind when you are trying to explain living after a loss.

God Bless