Elias Adin's Comforting Hearts Inc will be making donations to Toledo Children's Hospital Oncology

I'm so proud to share our charity in Elias's name. 

After almost 4 years I finally decided to start a charity to bring comfort for families who has children with cancer. We are going to be giving care packages to the families in oncology at Toledo Children's Hospital. With this care package we will have a scentsy buddy for the child with cancer and many different snacks, magazines, gift cards for local fast food, a journal, and books for the family. This will be the initial package for their admissions and we still are working on ideas for when the kids and their family who come back for more treatments. 

In the next few months i'm really hoping to get our name out there for support so I can possibly expand to more hospitals and giving a scholarship to a medical student going into pediatric oncology. I'm putting together 5 baskets right now to be able to take to our first families. I can't wait to be able to help families who are struggling with this horrible fight to cancer. 

Please share to your friends and families about our worthy cause and God Bless you all.

Being around other kids

I've had a lot of people ask me about how it is being around other kids so I thought it would be a great topic. I guess I will start 3 1/2 years ago. I remember the weekend after Elias passed away we were at church working back in the kids area and I would walk back and forth from the room that Elias would have been in just looking at the babies. It didn't make me sad at all, I actually loved seeing all of them and thinking about Elias. I remember a few weeks later holding a sweet baby because he wouldn't stop crying and just walking down the halls with him and as I'm doing this I look over and other people have tears in their eyes. I think it's more heart breaking watching than living it sometimes. The one thing I've never done is hide my love I had for Elias and I try to be a great example to others on how God can work through you. It's never been sadness being around kids his age through the last 3 1/2 years. It's more thinking about what he would be doing now. Like at his 1st birthday him walking and talking, or he would be starting preschool this year. It makes it a little easier having Tidus because they would have only been 15 months apart.
A lot of people have come to me and said they feel guilty knowing Elias and their child were the same age or they know someone who lost a child the same age as theirs. I will tell you I've never once been jealous or mad at someone for having a child the same age as Elias. Why would I be upset that they had their child live. I hate knowing that someone feels guilty because they have their son and we don't. I have heard a lot of people not being able to be around someone who is pregnant right after a loss or being very angry seeing people with children the same age as their child they lost. To each their own because that's how they feel, but I believe just because you have lost a child does not give you the right to be selfish. Like I have said from the beginning you can't help what you feel, but I think it also gives us a crutch to be a little mean also. I never experienced not wanting to be around other children or people that were pregnant. My sister-in-law at the time of Elias's death was pregnant and I could not imagine not wanting to be around her. I think too though that people with children and that are pregnant don't know whether they should come around or not or they don't know what to say. I'm sure they don't want to come across like they are bragging about their kid or their unborn baby. It's a hard situation to be in on the other side. My advise to anyone that is struggling with this would be let your friend know you are there for them, don't stay away, unless they ask you to. It's always nice hearing from friends on Elias's birthday or the anniversary of him passing. Just knowing they remembered and are thinking of you makes a huge impact on our day. It seems like the more years that go by the less people send personal messages so just let your friends know you are thinking of them. Even if it's when you're out with your little one or child their kids age, call them or send a card because I know the guilt won't go away for many of you but feeling that way won't help your friends, knowing you care does. I know this post got way off topic but hey, many things come into mind when you are trying to explain living after a loss.

God Bless

Last baby same age as Elias

When Tidus was this age I was very nervous, looking at photos to see if his head looked any bigger than the month before. Yes, I look at that stuff now because after Elias passed I would look back at pictures and notice a slight difference in the weeks before he passed away. I always joked that Tidus was too crazy to have anything wrong with him, but now Francesca is so good I worry that something is wrong. I think it's normal to worry and study the things her and Elias have in common. From their eyes, to how she bites her bottom lip. I have one of our last photos of Elias and he's biting his lip and I've always wondered if he was doing that because of the pressure in his head or if he was teething, so of course my mind starts going when I see Francesca doing it. I think it's one of those normal thoughts, could it ever happen again? I'm sure it could, yes it was a fluke thing, one in a million chance, but it happens. I guess this is something you think about before you decide to have more kids. To us it was very easy to decide. Our thought process was this. Were we ok to go through this again? Would we take that chance? Well here's how we came up with the answer. If we knew Elias was going to die from a brain tumor at 7 months old would we of wanted to have him? Of course we would have, so why would that stop us from having more kids. I would rather have any babies for only 7 months than not have them at all.

Well, today is the day that Francesca is the exact same age as Elias was when he passed away. I feel like it's a lot sadder with her than Tidus because this is our last baby. From now on we won't be able to look at pictures and say, oh thats the same age as Elias was. Don't get me wrong I still look at photos of Elias and see Tidus in him, even now. Just the other day Tidus was looking at photos of Elias right before he passed away and said, "oh baby Tidus." That always makes me smile. I love that he can see himself in Elias, and hope Francesca will be able to do the same.

It's a bittersweet day. I can't imagine my life any other way. That doesn't mean I'm glad Elias passed away, it's just I'm happy with my life and what God has given me. It's a hard thing to deal with sometimes, being happy. I think a lot of people struggle with this, but I will continue to see Elias through our three wonderful kids. Living after a loss is really hard, but it doesn't mean you can't have a happy ending.

How the loss effects the kids

It's hard to even begin on this topic because we had only one older child at the time, Karter who was 7. At the time he was old enough to understand about it but I still don't think losing a sibling is anything a kid can really comprehend. How could he, it's hard enough for adults. I do remember though the morning after Elias passed away I got up and sat in the recliner at my grandmas house and Karter sat on my lap as we watched the news. This is how the conversation went. Karter, "mom I love you". Me "love you too baby". Karter,"do you think Elias has met great grandpa yet?" and then I cried and hugged him tight. He is such a sweet boy and he is so thoughtful. He truly is one of a kind. I know he loved Elias so much. He was so excited to have a baby brother,so I thought it would be a great idea for karter to write a few things he was feeling at the time and how he deals with it now. This is what he had to say.

I remember I was at my great grandma's house when I found out that Elias passed away. My great grandma knew before I did because my grandma called to tell her. I didn't know till they came back to the house. I was very sad and couldn't believe that it happened.
I really didn't know what to expect at the showing but I remember I was up at the casket rubbing his forehead, there really wasn't a reason why, I just wanted to be close to him.
When my mom and dad had Tidus I was really excited, and I was really happy it was another boy. I think it made it easier for me since it took my mind off losing Elias. I love looking at all the pictures and videos of Elias. It makes me smile every time I see him. I talk about him too a lot. Every time a friend asks me how many brothers and sisters I have I tell them 3, and tell them about Elias. He will always be my little brother!

So as you can tell, Karter is an amazing boy. I think he has handled every thing so well, and yes one day more emotions might come out and he we will have to help him through that. He did get really emotional after he came and visited us in the hospital after having Tidus. He cried in the car because he didn't want it happening again. So things do surface at different times for him. The little ones are going to be a lot different, it's totally up to us to tell them about Elias. We are just now really telling Tidus about him. He has always seen photos up of him but he finally says his name and will tell people he has two brothers and is so proud. He will go by and say oh baby Elias when he sees a photo. I can't wait to be able to tell both of them all about their amazing brother who touched so many lives. Yes, I will tell them about how he passed away. I don't plan on sheltering them from the sad things here on earth because this will be a main source on telling them about God too. I get to tell them we will get to see Elias again and he is in an amazing place waiting for us. I think kids need to know that life isn't a fairy tale, it's a hard and people suffer. People have to live after a loss, because if we didn't they wouldn't be here.

God Bless

What to do with everything

Now this is usually a huge process. What do you do with everything? I think this is something everyone deals with differently. For us we moved into a new place 12 days before he passed away. Elias and our oldest shared a room so he didn't have a nursery set up. Yes he had a crib but he never slept in it. So we didn't even have to think about what to do with his nursery. I kept the crib up for a week or two but it had no sentimental value to us since it was karters crib and like I said he never slept in it.(he was a co-sleeper ;))

He had many clothes and toys and we kept everything knowing we would have more kids. The glow worm that you see in many pictures and even in the photos at the hospital we buried with him and the outfit we chose for him to wear was the outfit he's wearing in my profile picture. We gave my brothers each an outfit to keep and I kept out a few things like the blanket he was wrapped in till the funeral home came and got him and a little jacket. These are the only two things no one else has used. I know it's probably not the normal but hey what's normal, I let a lot of my friends borrow his clothes and then once Tidus was born we got a lot of new clothes too. This might sound weird but I loved seeing my friends babies wearing an "Elias" outfit as we called it, and I think it was special for them too. He touched a lot of people's lives in his short time and I loved being able to share anything that belonged to him.

We still have a lot of his stuff because we just had our last baby and we are still using it. I actually just pulled out his stroller and have been using it for the baby and it makes me smile seeing her in it. I also have one out fit that Elias was known for at church, it was his red outfit from the gap. It was so soft and everyone also talked about it and just the other day I put Francesca in it and she was one smilie baby that day. I love having those connections with each baby, but it really comes down to what makes you comfortable. Not everyone will be able to let their other children wear the same clothes and especially other people's kids. That's why this is such a personal decision. There is not right way or wrong way, it's whatever you need to do to get you through living after a loss.

God Bless