The helpful things...

Like I said before I think going to a funeral or a showing is one of the hardest things to do. No one ever teaches you about what you should say or do when someone close to you loses a loved one. I know I already filled you in on some of the crazy and annoying things that happened to us so it's only fair to share the helpful things too. Let me start by saying if it wasn't for my wonderful family and friends being there for us it would have been an even rougher 3 1/2 years and not one day goes by where I don't appreciate everyone that was there for us. I will go down the list of things that I thought was helpful to me and my family during this time and also share some advise for those who don't know what to say to their friends who have gone through a loss.

Company: Now the morning after Elias passed away a couple of friends from work wanted to come see me. My mom got the phone call because I was still sleeping and she told them she didn't think I would be up for it, but when I got up I said sure why not maybe it would help get my mind off of it. So about an hour later there came my work girls and let me tell you I am so thankful they did. They sat with me while Frankie and my mom went and picked out flowers and did random stuff to get ready for the funeral. They got me through that day in one piece. We didn't sit around talking about what happened, they were just there. I don't even really remember what we talked about but I remember crying and laughing with them. This is where I always say no matter if you don't know what to say, go see your friend and just sit there. If they want to talk about it let them bring it up but if not just keep them company.

Making food: I can't tell you enough how nice it was when friends and family show up with food even though I wasn't hungry it was one less thing to have to worry about doing. I can honestly say I didn't cook for a good month or two after he passed. One of those I just didn't feel like doing. Not only was it nice afterwards but while we were at the funeral home many of my friends made tons of food to share.

Cards: no matter what, send a card. It is the easiest thing you can do especially if you have no idea what to say. It was so nice getting cards days and even weeks after.  You don't even have to write anything in it, just sign your name. Just knowing someone is thinking of you is all you need. I was very shocked by some "friends" that didn't even acknowledge the fact that I lost a baby, and guess what I wrote them off completely. Like I said before it's hard to know what to say or do, I understand that so I hope I'm not coming off harsh but just send a card.

Coming to the showing/funeral: I will be the first to admit I don't remember much from the days of the showing and funeral, but I do remember seeing a couple people that I would have never in a million years thought would have been there.  It's one of those weird things I guess where you have some disappointment when you thought certain people would come and they don't, but I knew many people wouldn't be able to make it in on such short notice. I remember more than anything my friend Karly coming to the showing on her way up to Chicago. Now a little back story is, we weren't the greatest friends before all of this, (high school stuff...lol love you Karly) but unfortunately she lost her son Sam a few years prior so she knew exactly how I was feeling. Now a lot of people would have never came to a showing to someone that they were not friends with, but she did and now has a very special place in my heart. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that came and supported us for those two days. It meant the world to us.

Being normal: This might sound stupid, but it was so nice when people acted normal around us. We actually had a guitar hero party planned before the baby passed away and it was scheduled for the 2weeks after the fact. I am so thankful we decided to go a head with it and for our friends to make it an enjoyable experience. It's never fun going somewhere and getting "the looks" like, is she going to lose it at anytime.

So, I guess if I would give one piece of advise is don't feel like you have to say anything. Just be there, no one expects you to give this huge speech about getting through this or that everything will be ok, because it's not ok it's just living after a loss.

God Bless