Feeling cold hearted!

Ok, now you might think I'm being hypocritical here by what I'm about to write. I'm not writing this to get people mad, I am just being honest about how my feelings are after a loss of a child. I'm not saying that my feelings are right, but this is just how it is for me.

I was never a very open person emotionally. I've always been very sarcastic and blunt, so you would think after losing Elias I would be more apathetic to others. It's actually the complete opposite. There are times I feel very cold hearted. This is a very hard thing to admit because I'm not proud of it but I think it's what a lot of people struggle with after losing a loved one. I want to share my story so other people can see that what they are feeling is normal, plus it might help family and friend understand us too.

You might be reading this and think I'm not this way at all, because you've seen me be emotionally there for you and be very caring toward what is going on in your life that is heartbreaking. Yes, that is so true. I have a few friends that have gone through very tragic, scary things in the last 3 years, and did not blink an eye to be there. I even sucked it up and went back to the exact hospital on the exact floor that Elias passed away on to be there for a friend. My heart breaks every time I know a friend is feeling what I had to feel. It's a deep gut wrenching feeling that makes you want to puke and I get the feeling back every time it happens to someone I know.(that's a whole other post) so when I talk about being cold hearted a lot comes from... Yep you guessed it Facebook. Don't get me wrong I love having Facebook to keep in contact with friends and family and see all the great things happening in their lives, but with that you also get every thing that is bad going on in their lives. (so all my Facebook friends do not be offended I'm just using this as an example that people can relate to) I have a hard time being sympathetic to people who think the world is over because their sport team lost or they feel like crap because they drank too much the night before. Now those are probably normal things every one gets annoyed with but I have a really hard time when people treat their pets like kids and when they are sick or pass away they can't function in life. I look at it as it's a animal get another one. I know it's cruel but once again that's how I feel. Now for getting off the whole Facebook think I will turn my attention the the wonderful television. Watching the news is another issue. Seeing all day coverage on a 90 year old famous person that passed away acting as if it was this tragic unexpected loss. Yes it's someone's loved one and it's sad but come on they lived a great life why don't you cover a child that passed away or a soldier that died serving our country(see now here comes my cold hearted rants) I don't care which celebrity O.D or how a 80 year old government official has a brain tumor and only has a year to live. I hope I didn't offend anyone by this, but I think a lot of people need to take a step back and look on how blessed they really are instead of complaining about every little thing that they don't like or that didn't go as expected. (I still do those things so I know it's a hard habit to break.) Its not that I don't care about other people's feelings even though it sounds like it, I just find it not so bad after losing a baby and unfortunately I feel it's like that for a lot of people living after a loss.

God Bless