New To This

I've always wanted to write a book about the last 3 1/2 years of my life, but never knew where to start. I figured a blog would be a good place to start, at least to see if anyone would even be interested in reading what I had to say.
The easiest way to give you a glimpse at the last 3 years of my life is to start from the beginning.
On February 25 Elias started throwing up. No fever just throwing up every few hours. We didn't think anything of it since we had the flu the week before. Well as the day went on it became more frequent and he couldn't keep anything down do around 8:30 pm we took him to the ER at a local hospital. As we sat there for the next 3 hours he became much worst and wasn't responsive. We finally got back there close to 12 am. So they gave him an IV to see if they could hydrate him. After a bag it didn't seem to help so they became concerned and admitted him. At this his heart rate was dropping and he wasn't breathing very well. I asked them to transfer us to a local children's hospital at this time but first they did a spinal tap to make sure he didn't have meningitis. By doing this it created a downward spiral of the worst 24 hours of our lives. (Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming them for what happened.) now at about 5 am I call my husband to let them know they are transferring us because he went home to get some rest. Of course there was practically a blizzard going on outside at this point so instead on being life flighted by helicopter we went by ambulance which felt like eternity. It was around 6:30 am I think by the time we got to the other hospital and pretty much as soon as he got put in his bed his oxygen level dropped and I, not the nurse put his oxygen tubes in his nose. He was having a seizer so they made us leave while they gave him medicine to stop it. Of course the medicine stopped his breathing which made them put him on the vent, but right before this happened he opened his eyes for the first time in hours and smiled at me. Which was the last time he was awake. So at this time my parents and mother in law were in the waiting room with us waiting to hear something. Really all I remember was my mom calling my brother to come,(which he's a doctor) and my mom saying how Elias was going to be ok. I remember just saying, but what if God wants him, there's nothing we can do about it.
It felt like forever waiting for results. We got to wait in the icu room with him and I remember trying to sleep since I didn't sleep in about 24 hours at that point, but of course I couldn't. My brother finally got there right before we got the news which I'm very thankful for.
So the time had come. It was around 1:30 pm of the 26th. The icu dr asked us to sit on these stools in the hallway while we looked at a computer screen. My husband was sitting on one side of me holding my hand and my oldest brother on the side of me holding my other hand. The dr starts showing us pictures of a normal brain and then Elias's brain from his ct scan from earlier that day. All I remember is my brother squeezing my hand when his scan was shown and saying oh no under his breath,(which he doesn't remember even doing) this is where the dr told us he had a massive brain tumor that was blocking his brain stem fluid from draining back down from his head. At this point it was a huge blur. We got taken into a small room which was more like a closet and was told about all the options we had. We agreed on doing surgery in the morning to remove as much as the tumor as they could and cemo right after that. During all this Elias was getting a MRI so they could get a better idea of how the surgery was going to go.
Time went by very slow and I remember standing there rubbing his feet and playing his glow warm for him.
I don't remember when they came in to tell us they changed their mind about surgery, but one of the surgeons was going over all his tests and decided he needed to take him in to surgery that night. The Dr knew if he didn't release the pressure in his head soon he wouldn't make it through the night.
As we all walked down to the surgery room I kissed Elias goodbye and told him I loved him. The surgery only took about a half hour and the surgeon came out and said everything went great and he was on his way back up to the room. While we were talking to him he got a page, which we later find out was them telling him Elias was coding.
I am not going to go into detail about how things were handled by the hospital when we arrived to his room. I will skip over all that. The only thing I will say is my wonderful brother got into the room with him and he was the one that gave us the news that Elias passed away at 8:29 pm on February 26, 2008.
Me and my husband and our family and friends went and held Elias for the last time that night in the hospital room.

I just want to end my first blog entry by saying I don't want my blog to be sad and upsetting to people. I want it to bring hope and joy to others that have lost a child, family member, or close friend. No ones loss is more than another's. I want to show what I've been through and how I dealt with it and my feelings that I still go through. Let me make it clear I'm not saying how I grieve is the right way I'm just showing you how I got through such a tragic loss.

I really hope people can read my thoughts and have it be comforting to them knowing someone else has thought that or done the same thing.

God Bless you all and there is a lot more to come. Thank you for reading my story.